Monday, December 3, 2012

Dear Carla, Please Shut Your Tiny, Smirking, Botox Hole.

So I was just stuck in an elevator for an hour. This is what happens...

She's at it again folks. Rarely am I in a position to write a blog and I think to myself, "Ok. This is so F#@!ed up... where do I even begin?".

This is one of those times. All I can say about this is that despite how well spoken she seems in this most recent Vogue article, her stupidity has reached a level that even I have never fathomed. (And that's saying a lot considering my country birthed such idiots as the extremely screechy Sarah Palin, the gay-man-marrying Michelle Bachman, and general vagina-hating-rape-loving senators of the republican party.)

At first glance, this quote from Vogue sounds like an insanely dumb gaffe. Like if you'd gone to Vogue's interview, and accidentally sharted on their silk, Louis XV chaise due to a night of heavy drinking and bad mexican food. 

“You don’t need to be a feminist in my generation. There are pioneers who paved the way. I’m not at all a militant feminist. On the other hand, I’m a bourgeoise.”
-- Queen of the Morons


We don't need feminists? Admitting being bourge like it's some kind of badge of honor? Unfortunately for Lala, it doesn't end there. REFRESHER COURSE! What's a feminist kids? Wikipedia says...

"an advocate or supporter of the rights and equality of women"

And, just so we all are clear, what's a bourgeoise? Dictionary.com says...

"1. a member of the middle class.
 2. a person whose political, economic, and social opinions are believed to be determined mainly by concern for property values and conventional respectability.
 3. a shopkeeper or merchant."

Call me crazy, but from the quote above and my vague knowledge of her social status, Carla may very well be confused about what she is or isn't. She's essentially announced above that she is a poverty-conscious upper-middle-classite (and/or shopkeeper??) who doesn't support the rights and equality of women.

Le sigh. Riddle me this people, what happens when someone influential/visible does something so douchetastic that 50% of the world's population is offended by it? The issue becomes as visible as a red carpet wardrobe malfunction, is what. 

But wait; take another gander. What if we're misjudging her amazing verbal diarrhea? Maybe she's turning everyone's I-hate-you-and-want-to-punch-you-in-your-silicone-boobs gaze on herself so that she can make an ironic point?

No. No, wait again. She just said this about her first quote after a FURIOUS TWITTER ARMY OF HORMONE RAGING WOMEN TRIED TO TECHNOLOGICALLY GNAW HER POINTY CHEEKBONES OFF:

"This phrase is very clumsy and poorly translates my thoughts. It should have read: 'I have never personally felt the need to be a feminist activist'... I imagine I am [a feminist] if feminism means claiming one's freedom. But I am not if it means being committed in an active way to the fight that some women are still leading today... I admire their bravery a lot, but I have chosen to commit myself elsewhere." (courtesy of Huffington Post)

So what you're *really* saying is... 

"Personally, I have no need for feminism because I'm very happy picking out my next outfit from my ivory-model-heaven-tower. Therefore, I don't see the point in defending my fellow-vagers, and will go fight for someone else's cause because all you snatch-carrying-complainers are so bitchy about the whole 'discrimination' thing. And to summarize, PFFFFFFFFF."

Keep digging Carla, no *really*, I promise one day you will strike gold.

Can we please stop confusing feminism with this now:



I offer to pay the first man who gives Carla so much botox she can no longer speak 20% of my salary. Btw, I'm still not done blogging about her. More to come...


AMAZING SUPER SPECIAL MONDAY BONUS:
"Holy Shit I'm Stuck In An Elevator!!!!" Greatest Hits!
"Love in an Elevator" - Aerosmith
"Go Outside" - The Cults
"Hotel California" - The Eagles
"Save Me" - Aimee Mann
"Living in a Box" - Living in a box
"Crowded Elevator" - Incubus



1 comment:

  1. Oh DAMN!! No one commented on this yet!

    It's funny, someone posted re/ this blog post on Facebook, but it was via the Paris Blog, so I did not see who the author was right away. I saw the title, and thought, "Shannon needs to see this." Then I saw it was Shannon who wrote it and started laughing! :D Shoulda known. ;-)

    I cannot get over how alien-like CB looks in that picture up there. Maybe that is it, she is really an alien and that is why she says crap like this.

    ReplyDelete

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