Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Let's Make Fun of Angry, Humorless Commenters!

This happens so rarely that I just can't resist. My blog on Carla was picked up by, and it's a mixed bag of crazy readers over there, so I have a lot of fun reading the responses.

There's always some colon-tickling moron with his thumb so far up his asshole that he can poke his own bellybutton from the inside and god help me, but I love making fun of these guys. Instead of polluting Laurie's blog, I decided to do it on mine -- with a post dedicated to just to you Anonymous Former Reader!! (Queue applause)

The original post was about how Carla is making antifeminist remarks and tarnishing people's opinion of women's rights everywhere because she's model idiot, and here were a few comments.

  1. Comment by A Spivack | 12/04/12 at 5:21 pm
    A result of too many Botox injections? Love your writing.
  2. Comment by Moira | 12/04/12 at 5:24 pm
    Sorry dear, but in France, “bourgeoise(e)” culturally identifies the man or woman who is a member of the wealthiest social class of a given society; and their materialistic worldview”…
  3. Comment by Former Reader | 12/04/12 at 10:26 pm
    What an ugly article. I won’t be back to the paris blog. Grow up and realize your vajayjay isn’t the most important thing in life.

@aspivack - thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it more than former anonymous humorless reader who thinks (rightly) that I'm obsessed with my vajayjay. Who wants to take bets that's someone with a very small penis? Anyone? Bueller?

@Moira - Webster strikes again! Damn those dictionaries!! Why do we even use them. Let's just make up our own description, "People who describe themselves using this word are obvs really rich people too busy living their fabulous lives to give a shit about normal people." :) Probs more accurate.

And now the cream. Since 'Former Reader' won't be back and will sadly miss out on this post, I'll just go out on a limb and say anyone who has the brass balls to use the word "vajayjay" in a sentence which clearly demonstrates their sense of humor is as lively as a wet blanket should look into having that cucumber removed from their ass.

Sorry Laurie, another one bites the dust! More fun for us!

Monday, December 3, 2012

Dear Carla, Please Shut Your Tiny, Smirking, Botox Hole.

So I was just stuck in an elevator for an hour. This is what happens...

She's at it again folks. Rarely am I in a position to write a blog and I think to myself, "Ok. This is so F#@!ed up... where do I even begin?".

This is one of those times. All I can say about this is that despite how well spoken she seems in this most recent Vogue article, her stupidity has reached a level that even I have never fathomed. (And that's saying a lot considering my country birthed such idiots as the extremely screechy Sarah Palin, the gay-man-marrying Michelle Bachman, and general vagina-hating-rape-loving senators of the republican party.)

At first glance, this quote from Vogue sounds like an insanely dumb gaffe. Like if you'd gone to Vogue's interview, and accidentally sharted on their silk, Louis XV chaise due to a night of heavy drinking and bad mexican food. 

“You don’t need to be a feminist in my generation. There are pioneers who paved the way. I’m not at all a militant feminist. On the other hand, I’m a bourgeoise.”
-- Queen of the Morons

We don't need feminists? Admitting being bourge like it's some kind of badge of honor? Unfortunately for Lala, it doesn't end there. REFRESHER COURSE! What's a feminist kids? Wikipedia says...

"an advocate or supporter of the rights and equality of women"

And, just so we all are clear, what's a bourgeoise? says...

"1. a member of the middle class.
 2. a person whose political, economic, and social opinions are believed to be determined mainly by concern for property values and conventional respectability.
 3. a shopkeeper or merchant."

Call me crazy, but from the quote above and my vague knowledge of her social status, Carla may very well be confused about what she is or isn't. She's essentially announced above that she is a poverty-conscious upper-middle-classite (and/or shopkeeper??) who doesn't support the rights and equality of women.

Le sigh. Riddle me this people, what happens when someone influential/visible does something so douchetastic that 50% of the world's population is offended by it? The issue becomes as visible as a red carpet wardrobe malfunction, is what. 

But wait; take another gander. What if we're misjudging her amazing verbal diarrhea? Maybe she's turning everyone's I-hate-you-and-want-to-punch-you-in-your-silicone-boobs gaze on herself so that she can make an ironic point?


"This phrase is very clumsy and poorly translates my thoughts. It should have read: 'I have never personally felt the need to be a feminist activist'... I imagine I am [a feminist] if feminism means claiming one's freedom. But I am not if it means being committed in an active way to the fight that some women are still leading today... I admire their bravery a lot, but I have chosen to commit myself elsewhere." (courtesy of Huffington Post)

So what you're *really* saying is... 

"Personally, I have no need for feminism because I'm very happy picking out my next outfit from my ivory-model-heaven-tower. Therefore, I don't see the point in defending my fellow-vagers, and will go fight for someone else's cause because all you snatch-carrying-complainers are so bitchy about the whole 'discrimination' thing. And to summarize, PFFFFFFFFF."

Keep digging Carla, no *really*, I promise one day you will strike gold.

Can we please stop confusing feminism with this now:

I offer to pay the first man who gives Carla so much botox she can no longer speak 20% of my salary. Btw, I'm still not done blogging about her. More to come...

"Holy Shit I'm Stuck In An Elevator!!!!" Greatest Hits!
"Love in an Elevator" - Aerosmith
"Go Outside" - The Cults
"Hotel California" - The Eagles
"Save Me" - Aimee Mann
"Living in a Box" - Living in a box
"Crowded Elevator" - Incubus

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