What took them so long?
It's about bloody time someone invented a pure-alcohol breath spray that hastily gets you loaded.
My only regret is that I was living under a rock when this stark-designed miraculous discovery was unleashed on the world.
Despite the genius involved here, I'm convinced that they got the name wrong. It's called "WA|HH Quantum Sensations Spray", when obvi it should've been named "WHOO HOOOOO Sensations Spray"!! Or, I've got it... maybe something like, "Immebriated". Hein?? Rolls of the tongue doesn't it?
What's kind of a shame is that the effect only lasts for a few seconds. So, given that, here are a number of situations where a few seconds of instadrunk would be useful:
- When my neighbors clomp around above me at 3am, and wide-awake I want to walk upstairs and render them unable to bear children with my own pair of steel-toed boots.
- When that one ass-pirate runs through the crowded throng of people waiting infront your full metro train cabin, to slip in between the metro doors just soon enough to smash your genitals against some gross smelly man's ass.
- Any time you're ordering in a restaurant.
- Any time you're buying something in a store.
- Any time you need help from anyone at any place for any problem.
- When my husband kills my dreams of owning a puppy. Again.
- When trying on jeans that should be my size but are actually a size -2,000 because the French are in fact miniature.
- When I'm forced to go watch French melodramas at the movies. #sobad
- Any time you need to "stand in line" here.
- When someone asks if you're pregnant. Again. When you're a size 36. #pffffff
- When someone tells you you look tired. Again.
- When you accidentally step in poop. Again.
Actually. It seems like it's probably a good idea that this thing isn't available to me. I'd probably be drunk constantly in this country.
When would you use it?