Monday, October 8, 2012

Subject: Hello Dear.

Just got this curious email in my inbox:

"Forty-four years of age, a ship Captain.
Wish to know you.
Sincerely, -------------"

He sounds like a long lost father, or grandfather or some other absent, regretful, patriarch, and not someone trying to scam naked photos which is what this weirdo probably is. I'm not sure how to tell him the following, taking suggestions on email draft...

a) Pretty sure
people stopped labeling themselves as "ship Captain" a long time ago. Probably around the same time that people stopped using the words "greenback" and "woman of ill repute". Just a guess.


b) All patriarchs in my family are accounted for. Unless the huge bombshell that I have a different father who was actually 14 at the time of my birth (which makes him even more gross than Alfie Patton). Dramatic pause. I think we're safe on this one.

c) Sorry. No nako photos for you, cap'n dinghy fondler.

Sincerely,
Woman sick of getting emails like this.

2 comments:

  1. I'm totally gonna bring back the use of 'greenback' - why'd we ever stop saying that. It's got an annoying ring to it that I like.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Forest, while we're at it, let's also bring back "fin" for 5$, and the ever beloved "trollop" which Grumpy McCain brought back into my lexicon a few years back. EG: "Spot me a fin, I'm out of greenbacks and you owe me you trollop."

    ReplyDelete

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