Monday, October 22, 2012

3 Shocking Things the French have Admitted

I'm seeing a very strange trend happening over the past few months. The French seem to unabashedly be accepting their oddities and it's all over the media in several different places. 

Here are the top 3 that shocked me the most -- did they shock you?

Photo copyright: Atlantic Cities Bruno Marguerite/RATP
1) The French can really be a bag of dicks sometimes.

I thought hell would freeze over, thaw, then freeze over again before anyone in this country would grow the balls to admit that *sometimes*, French people cross the line separating jerks from complete douchecanoes. 

I think my heart skipped a beat when I read this article which claimed the French surveyed thought they were "rude, stroppy, and slothful".

Stroppy? Really?? If you know someone who uses the word "Stroppy", raise your hand. Put your hand down, you do not, you freaking patho-liar. Something's off here, I'm thinking this was faked, and I will devote my life to making the truth come out. (*wink*)

Anyway, who cares if it's real or not because the result is the Parisian metro was littered with campaign posters like this article shows

Conclusion? Entire World Who Hate Assholes: 1. French: 0.

2) The Seine is

So they vetoed a huge Seine-swimming event. What's more surprising I ask you: 

a) That the French wait until less than a month before the event to put the kabosh on it destrolishing the hopes and dreams of over 2,000 people who signed up for the swimming event


b) That 2,000 people actually thought the Seine was clean enough to swim in.

If I'm being honest here, part a) doesn't surprise me at all -- in fact, it feels par for the course. Regardless, we probably saved 2k moridions from drowning in putrid. Yay French gov't!

3) It's totally legal to be a cockjuggling manwhore, you guys.

This is the scandal that will not finish. (tee hee.) Strauss-Kahn's trial continues, and the prosecution is squeezing him (lol) to find out if he has ties to a prostitution ring.

His defense against these claims? Being "libertine" (swinger to us anglophones) is not illegal!

Where was this guy when Clinton needed a pep-talk? How awesome would that speech have turned out to be if they had been pals. "I totally porked her, so sue me, it's not illegal b***!".

I never thought I'd say this, but I admire Strauss-Kahn's wrinkly old balls right now.


  1. Bonjour Shannon. Your post made me laugh out loud (well, at least the first two sections of the story... I am not too fond of DSK or his "wrinkly old balls...") -- Good for the French to acknowledge their shortcomings, but you know, that is not entirely new. In fact, it has been said they could take self-deprecation and self loathing to new heights, beating themselves up endlessly about this or that; spiraling into depression; popping in the pills... but forgetting all about it as soon as they sit around a large table with good food, good wine, and good friends. And that, I guess, is why I love my countrymen :-) Veronique (French Girl in Seattle)

  2. I always learn *THE BEST* expressions when I read your blog, Shannon! I can't decide if I like "douchecanoe" (*chuckle*), "freaking patho-liar" (cannot *wait* to use that on someone), or "cockjuggling manwhore" (hee hee hee! So apropos) better. They are all pretty fucking terrific!

    Other than that, I love your take on these French admissions -- the DSK one is so true, eh? But I also have to say I love Veronique's response. Classy French way of answering, and I really do like the way that the French forget their self-deprecation. :D

  3. Hi Shannon - I completely agree with you about the first two points (and also love Veronique's response about the French complex!) but beg to differ about the third point. I have absolutely no respect for DSK or for any men who think that type of behaviour is acceptable and thus, if given even a glimmer of an opportunity, would drop kick those wrinkly balls as far as Timbuktu.

  4. @FGIS: I've yet to meet self depreciating french people... please tell me where they hang out?
    @Karin it's not sorcery ;)
    @Emma drop kicking balls... I can get behind that.

  5. Douchecanoe is going become part of my vocabulary. Brilliant! I think it will forever replace "dickhead" that I sling about while driving around LA. Thank you!


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