Monday, October 22, 2012

3 Shocking Things the French have Admitted

I'm seeing a very strange trend happening over the past few months. The French seem to unabashedly be accepting their oddities and it's all over the media in several different places. 

Here are the top 3 that shocked me the most -- did they shock you?

Photo copyright: Atlantic Cities Bruno Marguerite/RATP
1) The French can really be a bag of dicks sometimes.

I thought hell would freeze over, thaw, then freeze over again before anyone in this country would grow the balls to admit that *sometimes*, French people cross the line separating jerks from complete douchecanoes. 

I think my heart skipped a beat when I read this article which claimed the French surveyed thought they were "rude, stroppy, and slothful".

Stroppy? Really?? If you know someone who uses the word "Stroppy", raise your hand. Put your hand down, you do not, you freaking patho-liar. Something's off here, I'm thinking this was faked, and I will devote my life to making the truth come out. (*wink*)

Anyway, who cares if it's real or not because the result is the Parisian metro was littered with campaign posters like this article shows

Conclusion? Entire World Who Hate Assholes: 1. French: 0.

2) The Seine is

So they vetoed a huge Seine-swimming event. What's more surprising I ask you: 

a) That the French wait until less than a month before the event to put the kabosh on it destrolishing the hopes and dreams of over 2,000 people who signed up for the swimming event


b) That 2,000 people actually thought the Seine was clean enough to swim in.

If I'm being honest here, part a) doesn't surprise me at all -- in fact, it feels par for the course. Regardless, we probably saved 2k moridions from drowning in putrid. Yay French gov't!

3) It's totally legal to be a cockjuggling manwhore, you guys.

This is the scandal that will not finish. (tee hee.) Strauss-Kahn's trial continues, and the prosecution is squeezing him (lol) to find out if he has ties to a prostitution ring.

His defense against these claims? Being "libertine" (swinger to us anglophones) is not illegal!

Where was this guy when Clinton needed a pep-talk? How awesome would that speech have turned out to be if they had been pals. "I totally porked her, so sue me, it's not illegal b***!".

I never thought I'd say this, but I admire Strauss-Kahn's wrinkly old balls right now.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Subject: Hello Dear.

Just got this curious email in my inbox:

"Forty-four years of age, a ship Captain.
Wish to know you.
Sincerely, -------------"

He sounds like a long lost father, or grandfather or some other absent, regretful, patriarch, and not someone trying to scam naked photos which is what this weirdo probably is. I'm not sure how to tell him the following, taking suggestions on email draft...

a) Pretty sure
people stopped labeling themselves as "ship Captain" a long time ago. Probably around the same time that people stopped using the words "greenback" and "woman of ill repute". Just a guess.

b) All patriarchs in my family are accounted for. Unless the huge bombshell that I have a different father who was actually 14 at the time of my birth (which makes him even more gross than Alfie Patton). Dramatic pause. I think we're safe on this one.

c) Sorry. No nako photos for you, cap'n dinghy fondler.

Woman sick of getting emails like this.
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