Sunday, July 22, 2012

Why you should never own an expensive car in France

©Mark Elias/Bloomberg News
I had a "fat morning" as they say here in France, I was lazily reading the NY Times when I came upon this story:

"Crash of Rare Ferrari Under Investigation"

For those of you who hate to read a) why are you here? and b) fine, here's the gist of it:

Man with $30M to $40M valued hot rod decided to drive it around town and got into an accident with, wait for it.... A MINIVAN.

Ain't that always the way? You just want to drive your crushingly, exorbitantly, redonculously valuable, only 39 of them ever made, wheels down to Le Mans for the 50-yr anniversary, and BAM. You drive right into the side of a fucking minivan that has caused 600 times the damage that the POS was worth in the first place.

Let this be a lesson to all you fancy car drivers out there, not all, but MANY, French people drive like they just took crack mixed with speed, covered in an ecstasy hard candy shell that has been lightly dusted with Coke and has PCP sprinkles.

I don't think I'll *ever* comprehend the nonsensicalness of this event, or the people who attend. It's like a bunch of rich guys got together and instead of whipping out their actual rods for measurement, decided it would be cool to try to smash up their hot rods instead to see who sweats the least when it's all over and the dammages are being tallied up. (Although, I think we have a winner before the race has even begun. Way to spoil everyone's fun, ironically-named-Mr.-Cox.)

And that's not the only lesson I have for you this fine day. Please, please, STOP TRUSTING THE INSURANCE COMPANIES. I maintain that they are all a bunch of dicktasters. The last two months have confirmed multiple times in my case that they will never, ever pay you. Ever. Even if you've paid 10 million times the worth of whatever your claim is about, doesn't matter. It's principle -- you pay THEM, not the other way around people, pffff. 

See flowchart for full explanation of how French customer service actually works.

There you have it, my work here is done. I've just made all of your lives better this morning which I'm pretty sure gives me the right to spend the rest of my day being useless. YAY SUNDAY!


  1. All of this explains why the Autolib' is the best thing ever invented for those of us Parisians ho stopped caring about cars years ago...


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