Monday, October 24, 2011

Naturalist Neighbors (AKA: Pubes-R-Us)

© flickr by BeauB
I have some new neighbors in the hood. A young couple that have obviously never had a "vis-a-vis" (neighbors that can see into their windows). How do I know this you may ask? WELL. Let me explain.

Not to put too fine a point on it, I've seen them regularly making out on the bed, but that's not really the worst of it. I have seen my fair share of impetuous preliminaries on the streets of Paris. Who hasn't? It's practically a right of passage to see some tongue-baths in this town. Eventually, they get to more advanced techniques and draw the blinds. (Thank the lord.)

The worst part isn't the bedroom... it's their bathroom. (You see where I'm going with this.) In France the toilet is typically separate from the tub-area, and I cannot express how truly grateful I am for this custom. But the problem remains: I have a view of their tub-area.

Shockingly, this pair of unprudists have a curtain. What they don't have, is a fucking clue how to use it. It's strategically placed 1/2-way folded down. It's Pubes-R-Us over there.

Anon-nudists next door shower nightly, for which I'm very glad. Less stink on the metro is good for all. Unfortunately they spend an inordinate amount of time drying themselves in front of the window, where I have a front-row seat to the ass-crack show of a lifetime.

I could sell tickets to this, not kidding. The red-light district ain't got nothing on my neighbors. But that's the thing. You can't NOT look. It's like when someone says "Don't look!!". We all look, dammit.

There I was minding my bidness, and BAM. BUTT-IN-FACE time. That's not all. It's like I have this need to know whose butt I'm looking at. Guy? Girl? I can't tell half the time, they rock the bush, which just makes it intriguing because you don't want to turn away until you know just how much to be grossed out. It's sick right? It's sick. Blegh.

Next time they do this I might just start shouting at the open window, something like... "HEY NAKO, I CAN SEE YOUR CRACK!! YA WANNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?!". When they look out the window, I plan to innocently start looking at the other balconies and pretend it wasn't me. Shocked-face will be necessary, better start practicing that in the mirror.

I'm hoping they will eventually get the net, or I will eventually become so grossed out that I'll just stop looking. Neither has happened yet, I'll keep you posted.



25 comments:

  1. you big sicko! ;) I know...it's the car wreck kind of thing. really hard not to watch what the neighbors are getting up to in this town - especially when they're not in the habit of closing the blinds.

    ReplyDelete
  2. p.s. love the accompanying pic for the post! ha ha

    ReplyDelete
  3. Photos please?

    All the best

    Keith

    P.S. MJ at American Mom in Paris admitted last week that she spends most of her spare time watching her naked neighbours; perhaps it's a Paris thing? Do you never have this yearning prior to moving to France?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bahahaha...! I can't even imagine.. poor you :(

    ReplyDelete
  5. OK.

    1) Friend them on Facebook.
    2) Take photos of their inyourendos.
    3) Post said pictures on Facebook.
    4) Problem solved!

    ReplyDelete
  6. @forest I know I know. But you had a brush with this too if memory serves?? Link please so all can know that I'm not alone in "wish-you-had-curtains-or-knowledge-of-how-to-use-them" land.

    I had to look for a good 15 min before landing on this beaut of a crack-photo. Gotta love france.

    ReplyDelete
  7. @Keith: Must be a Paris thing then, seriously, I am not the only PERVE in this town! Never had this happen to me before moving here, so never felt the "yearning" lol.

    ReplyDelete
  8. PS Keith: Photos of the nudies are where I draw the line lol. Sorry! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. @lize: we should start a club or something since there are so many for us. Wonder what the treatment will be? (Dish-scour to the eyes?)

    ReplyDelete
  10. @Paul: Can you say "invasion of privacy lawsuit" ? I can. I think I'll just stop peeping all together and problem solved w/o lawsuit lol.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ohmigahohmigahohmigah ((Riotous laughter))

    ReplyDelete
  12. Mon dieu - that is awful and hilarious at the same time!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Favorite thing about this entire post? The expression "unprudists." Hee hee hee! I love that. I want to call someone an "unprudist" now.

    That, and I very much empathize with you. Like Andi writes, awful & hilarious, both. :D

    ReplyDelete
  14. P.S. Welcome back to the blog. This was a doozie to return to, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  15. @karin I dub thee, an unprudist. Thanks for the welcome back, it's been a while and I really missed talking about ass and cooch. Le sigh. Need to get some poop articles back on this blog, it's been too long.

    ReplyDelete
  16. no, i must say i've never had the urge to look - in paris or outside of it. the human face is much more interesting than the backside.

    ReplyDelete
  17. In EVERY single apartment we've lived in, in Paris, there's the naked guy...no gals for the Mr :( Our latest new found experience is the new next door neighbour & her worse then pornos (come on, we've all seen one or two!) screams & fake moans during 2am sex! So bad, the dog barks at her :-0 We're trying to figure out exactly what our snarky comment will be to her when the inevitable elevator ride comes about--we don't know what she looks like...yet. Happy viewing ;)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Very nice article! It really made me interested here. Thank you for bringing more informative post. I can't wait to read more of your blogs
    kissimmee vacation homes

    ReplyDelete
  19. This can be wonderful! I enjoy this!!! So pleased I recently stumbled across your site This is adorable! I stumbled onto your blog just a couple of min's ago and also chop down deeply in love with this kind of! I've much material instead of a lot to do with it, this will aid! Thank you!

    Sell Runescape Gold

    ReplyDelete
  20. wonderful post thanks for sharing

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think it is pretty funny dear prudists. Reminds me of "naked guy" in friends who turned into "fat guy". Oh well back to the days of silent sex with the neighbor 20cm away through the wall and the kids in the next room.... Thank goodness sprung beds are out of fashion.

    ReplyDelete
  22. so american. if it bothers you, don't be so obsessed with checking them out. a young couple so i assume they are not too bad looking. i could understand if they were an old fat couple.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts with Thumbnails