Monday, March 14, 2011

Why don't people say "lick the cat's butt" anymore?

Good (bleeping) GOD has it really been a month? A whole MONTH since my last post?

I suppose starting with the biggest life changes and moving on to bowel movements would be the proper way to get the ball rolling. (I need to keep you all waiting for the most important news, don't I? And it's always poop-related, isn't it? Yes. Yes, it is.)
No time to write multiple posts, so you're getting a digest. (Oh, the irony.) (PS: I went overboard with the parenthesis as well. Deal with it.)
In the last few weeks I have:
- quit a job (again)
- started another one full time immediately (again)
- been in 4 different countries in the space of 5 weeks (here's my damn passport)
- driven over one thousand miles (need-a-neck-rub-badly)
- celebrated what seems like countless birthdays (including mine, like 5 times too many)
- had my 5yr wedding anniversary (woot)
- gotten to see my family & friends state-side (double woot)
- went to my first Drupalcon (yee-haaw)

- spent the most consecutive days on or hovering over a toilet in my entire life. (who invented Imodium? I'm gonna tackle that guy or gal w/ a giant HUG.)

And now, a few details...

The job.
It was just time. Time to seize my destiny. Time to shit (ugh... *shudders*) or get off the pot. I had been courted by an American firm for a while, and just couldn't deny that it was where I really wanted to be.

So I said "adieu" to my French colleagues (who are a lovely, dedicated crew that I'll miss joking around with), and "if you're ever in Paris..." to my UK colleagues (who are a twisted bunch that I am gutted & heartbroken to leave behind), packed up my things and headed home to my new office.

My bedroom. I love working from home, but fear that becoming slovenly is inevitable. I'll check back with you after a few more weeks of this to let you know the degree of hagitude attained.

Went to Mexico with close US buds to get some fun & sun, then a quick stint in WI/MN with the fam, then off to IL for Drupalcon Chicago! I'll take it in bits for you, a lot to chew on here...

Chapter 1: Cancun.

Loved it. That place was an effing PALACE. Ugh. Beautiful. So beautiful you could puke. And did I ever, but I'll get to that in a bit.

I had an adventure.
- I went repelling off of a tower. (leaning off a tower should not be done by anyone prone to heart-attacks)
- I zip-lined! (can you say "WEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee")
- I visited ancient Mayan sites led by a creepy old man with a ponytail. (Seriously, he reminded me of the drug cartel villains in those shitty nineties movies like... Crocodile Dundee II, but I digress.)
- I went snorkeling in underground caves (my personal fave moment.)
- I drank dirty monkeys on a white sand beach while watching the clear blue sea roll in & out. (and yes, I thought "this is the life" every second of it.)
- I went boogie-boarding & took wave-punch to the gut. (Thank you strange mexicano who pulled me on to the sand after I was knocked windless in the surf.

Note to readers: DO NOT go boogie-boarding by yourselves. I don't care how lazy/drunk your friends are, at least make them watch while you get pummeled by Poseiden.)
- I drew cheesy hearts in the sand with the year & initials in them. (you would too.)
- I listened to mariachi bands (they sound exactly like the 3 Amigos guys, it's uncanny.)
- I had a thousand unforgettable memories with my hubs (weeeeee again)

I can't stress how awesome that trip was. It was doubly cool because my bestest WI buds were there to share it with hubs & I. Really made the trip fun sharing our sunburn stories and thinking up new and strange drinks we *had* to order because all that shit was F-a-REEEEE*!!! (*in the sense that we had already paid for the all-inclusive vacation.)

Chapter 2: Wisco & St Paul

Cold. As. Effing. F*CK. Dear sweet little baby JESUS am I glad I don't live in that arctic snow-drift forsaken by the lord himself. Despite the nipple-freezing cold, I did rather enjoy staring at my nephew for hours on end, trying to make him burp and catching up with the fam.

Amazing as Mexico was, this was my fave part of the trip. We did some of the classics: went to the pharmacy & made inappropriate jokes about products, quoted favorite movies while eating papa-johns, talked about how much the baby looks like his parents, except he's much much cuter than their ugly mugs.

We also watched Portlandia, which had been previously unknown to me. (CACAO!!) This has begun a whole new slew of inside family jokes, (Ya gotta get OUTTA THERE!!!), that no one else will understand (We put birds on things!).

All told, there's nothing like family, and I'm so very very very happy to get to see mine again so soon in 2011!

Chapter 3: Chicago.
Had so-oh much fun at Drupalcon, met loads of cool people, listened to tons of lectures and passed out hundreds of cards & stickers. Small-talked my ass off and became aquainted with my wonderful new colleagues! It was short, but sweet and I'm so grateful I got to be a part of this amazing crowd.

Chapter 4: Touristitus.
Know what I didn't love so much? The rocket-propelled vomitarrhea. I'm not sure if that's a real word, but it perfectly describes what I went through in both Cancun & Chicago spoiling several perfectly perfect vacation days. Fucking miniature microbe sons-a-bitches.

I don't know what it is about stomach illnesses, but lately they have been tag-teaming my poor, exhausted, little ass. On the food poisoning meter, I think I must've been 'rounding 9, 9.5 by the time the last day of our trip in Chicago came around and my 2nd bout with touristitus had struck.

I thought Mexico was bad, but it was really nothing compared to round 2 in chi-town. I was just, knocked flat on my back. I think I'll look back on this and laugh, but I'm not *quite* yet recovered (nearly 5days later), so I think I'll hold off a couple more days before I begin chuckling.

In any case, I'm very very very glad to be HOME! I am looking forward to a regular routine until my trip to Istanbul at the end of the month, and lots of sitting around the house, working and (of course), licking the cat's butt.

By the by, promise not to wait a month until my next post: it's a give away from Little Brown Pen, so it should be a good one!

xx S


  1. Be careful with that water away from home...that's what usually gets you. Congrats on your new job! I missed your have a certain jenesaisquoi about it:-)

  2. Touching, hilarious and beeping gross! I know far too much about your bodily fluids for my liking! Happy to have you back and looking forward to reading more. Let's do drinks soon.

    Great pics BTW (how cute is your nephew?)!


  3. OH NO! Montezuma's revenge is nothing to pooh-pooh. {Forgive the pun, but I couldn't resist...) And? Around here, the only time we speak of licking the cat's butt is when we need to get the taste of something really unspeakably nasty out of our mouths. Feel better soon!!


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