Some very good things have been happening lately that I feel I should keep you apprised of, so maybe, you'll forgive my lack of postage of late. I know, you're used to 3-5 articles a week, but, well, tough balls... I'm a busy lady.
First: I quit my effing day job.
I feel a little disappointed this didn't happen when my letter of resignation slid across the table: Hallelujah plays over loud speakers at a thousand decibels while every single champagne bottle in France spontaneously pops its cork and spiky-confetti bursts out of the ass of every last m-f-er who annoyed me at that company.
Oh yes. Enough "waah waaaahhh, I'm not feeling this gig", and a little more action. While this is great for me, finally a little glimmer of hope at the end of my tunnel, I'm a little worried about how it's going to affect my frenchie colleagues. My boss in particular. I'm afraid I may be stirring up the clouds in a brewing work-overload-shit-storm that is going to rain down on her like a feces-hurricane. A feces-a-cane.
But, at least I'm FREE... in two more months. Did I fail to mention that? I'll see your two weeks and raise you 2.5 MONTHS before I'm allowed to stop working there. I know, life's a bitch.
I have two problems (other than the fact that I'm still working there):
1) I feel like I have to finish EVERYTHING I EVER STARTED there before I leave. Which my French colleagues say is the exact OPPOSITE of what most people do in my position. What the effing-ef is wrong with me?
and 2) I told my boss about this (OMFG stupid moment):
Second: I started a new freelance job I'm really enjoying, and they're a bunch of rockstars compared to what I'm used to.
Sure, it's not perfect, no job is -- but... it's more fun than I've had on projects in YEARS. I'm diggin' it. But, that means that I want to do a lot of it. So, you do the math:
8-11hrs at job 1
+ Several hours at job 2
+ Time w/ husband
+ Job interviews at potential job 3 (I've had 4 now, this is getting ridic' and really freaking time consuming)
= I am getting on average 4hrs of sleep per night since about two weeks.
I always used to think I was busy. MMmmmm. Nope. Wasn't. When you literally no longer have time to SLEEP = busy. Any moment now I'm going to slip into a coma and start babbling something about late deliverables and puppies; but it's worth it.
Third: I'm gonna be a "TATA" !!!!!!!!
NO. Not, "tata" as in nipples, you sick bastage. I didn't just proclaim "I'm going to be a NIPPLE!!!!!" as a reason why I have no time to write. "Tata" is short for "Tante" = AUNTIE!!!!!
Any day now (come on buddy, get OUTTA there, your mom is about to pull your stubborn ass out herself if you don't hurry up), my SIL is going to pop one out! I can't tell you how excited I am for this to happen.
I feel it's only fair to warn them now. Butt, DJ-dirty-D, if you're reading this:
I'm totally stealing your child the very instant he's old enough to travel internationally. I'm going to dress him in too-tight pants, a striped shirt, lovingly place a crooked beret on his head and teach him every single swear word I know while blowing smoke directly up his nostrils and telling him that wine is "god's water". You have about 11yrs to prepare for the end of the world. I might also take him to the Eiffel tower, but I'm not sure if that will be cool when he's 11, so it's penciled in for now.
Can't wait to meet mini-buddy and smother him with lame gifts that he'll think are cool, like french variety or eiffel tower key-chains. I'm scouring the interwebs for gifts already. That takes time, man.
So you're all "What's the surprise dammit?!?!"... see how I did that? Made you read the whole thing? Sadistic. I know.
Anyway, Surprise is that you should stay tuned because VERY soon will be my very FIRST interview in a new series, AND.... A GIVEAWAY!!!
Go check out my girl Lindsey's site to find out what it's going to be, we collaborated on your asses: www.LostInCheeseland.com
Go change your pants. I'll wait.