In lesson one, I shared some of my favorite swears...bet you didn't think I could top that did you? How wrong you are dear readers, how very wrong indeed!
Perhaps it's because I'm a native English speaker, but I have the impression that the French have got some weird-ass sayings. My first years here were spent repeating "Hein??" (huh?), not because I couldn't understand what they had said, but because I had no effing CLUE what it meant.
This isn't the first time I've shared with you my difficulties with the French language. If you pay attention you will have read the post where I accidentally asked my mother-in-law for a condom, or the time I called my friend's dog a kinky little whore. Meh, it happens with a language this complex.
But sometimes I think French is a "gas factory", as they say here. It's not enough to juggle the tenses, exceptions, pronunciation, regional vernacular and slag... they had to add another layer of insanity: sayings that make no sense whatsoever.
"My teeth are bathing!" was code for I'm full. "It's going to shit bubbles" meant things were going to get ugly. I spent a long time mixing metaphors and confusing meanings behind these sayings.
Short of having lived here your entire life, you'll never understand these phrases, so pay attention, I give you: the bible of odd French Phrases, part I.
Here are some of my favorite idioms AND they're meaning. Enjoy.
Goes like this:
1) Tremper son biscuit
-To dunk his/her cookie
- Make love
2) Avoir le cul bordé de nouilles
- have the ass full of noodles
- to be lucky
3) Péter plus haut que son cul
- to fart higher than ones ass
- to be pretentious
4) Avoir un poil dans la main
- to have a hair in the hand
- to be lazy
5) Couler un bronze
- to pour a bronze
- to pee
6) Avoir les portugaises ensablées
- to have the Portuguese sanded
- have trouble going number 2
7) Fumer la moquette
- to smoke the carpet
- to say things that make no sense
8) Coûter la peau du cul / des couilles
- to cost the skin of the ass / balls
- to be very expensive
9) Pleuvoir comme vache qui pisse
- to rain like a pissing cow
- to rain very hard
10) Faire un caca nerveux
- make a nervous poop
- to be very nervous about something