Saturday, July 10, 2010

Where the EF you been hooker?

So... I've been terrible at blogging lately.

Not that I was every really fantastic, you know like blogs that make you think "OMG I could've have written that, and then everyone would think that I was a genius instead of that assdouche.", but lately it's been especially shit-tastic.

Sorry folks, but
when shit hits the fan, I think you're allowed to be a failure. These past couple of weeks my shit has hit the fan, then splattered all over the walls on to priceless, irreplaceable silk scarves, which fell on-to and suffocated a baby seal, then ricocheted into my shocked, open mouth. Now everything I taste has a shitty aftertaste. It's as if I've gargled shit, if you will. I've been too busy shargling to blog.*

*I am not at all dramatic. Not at all. I'm TELLING YOU. Seriously, I'm NOT!! WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT??!!! BASTTARRRRRD!!! STOP JUDGING ME!!!!!!!! (Runs away, trips, cries, gets a giant snot ball on her cheek, looks back forlorne.)


Some people enjoy blogging about it. I enjoy wallowing. Wallowing in books. I've read 6 books this month... not a good sign. And Smoking. Yes. I admit it. I've been smoking ciggies again. :( Bad bad bad Shannon! We all have our vices, they say. Whoever "they" is, probably had a bad one. Like catapulting baby kittens into a pool of flaming gasoline filled with grenade-floaties. "They" is bad people I'm willing to wager, but the point is a valid one.


I'm in some kind of funk. A french funk. #FF. Ever since I've been home, I keep feeling like I WANT to write, then the aforementioned shit gets in the way.* I am going through this non-productive phase. It's like when something you HATE comes on TV, but the remote is two inches too far away to change the channel & you just shrug off the annoying Dora cartoon with a "Mehhhh... fuckit." (You can't tell that I've recently done this at ALL I'm betting.)

*Btw, I had massive jetlag, my apt was robbed, my job is going to hell and ... ok that's it, but it's enough to throw me off my game.

It's not like I don't have anything to write about. I have as many topics as ever in the hopper, but can't seem to get to them oddly. I think I'll blame True Blood for now. yeah. Sounds good. Who can resist True Blood? ... oh .. you.. well... you don't count. I'm the author here. I think the root of the cause may be coming back from vacation though. Everyone in the halls keeps asking me "Soo! When's your next vacation?!" and then I want to chop off their ball-sacks with a rusty nail. Or maybe kick them in the clitoris, if we're being fair.*
*Not an exaggerated or undeserved response in the least, I'm sure you will agree.


Point is, I'll be back very soon. With a vengeance. Stories about dog-babies, vacations, Frenchies, etcetera etcetera. Maybe I'll be worthy of your assdouche insults?

9 comments:

  1. I blame True Blood for my sleeping issues. I can't get yummy "Eric" out of my head. He keeps me from sleeping. I was doing yardwork the other day and was bitten on my neck, and for a few seconds, I had hoped it was a vamp and I would be young forver. I look forward to your next post. Take care.

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  2. I think it is going around -- I know I have been *very* frustrated with blogging/writing/doing anything in the past couple of weeks, but MAN. I sure have not had your reasons that you listed in the small print!! A robbery? You poor chica.

    I can totally relate to you on the smoking thing, and while I have been a (mostly) non-smoker for the past 10 months, I had a lapse for two weeks back in April. If I had money enough to afford to smoke, I probably would have kept at it. Thing is, I did find it easier to quit after that two week lapse and am doing okay with being smoke-free. You'll get back to not smoking, I bet, really soon.

    I'm sorry that the shit storm hit your life. I'm sorry that it has been tough, and that writing about it is tougher.

    But True Blood?! Yeah baby! I'm loving it, too. Another show I finally got hooked on: Breaking Bad. OMG -- LOVE it. I watched the three seasons that are out back to back the past couple of weeks. I actually went through withdrawal when I got to the last episode from this past season.

    If you feel like a mutual shit-wallowing session face to face, message me. We can commiserate over a drink in the Parc des BC if you feel like. :)

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  3. @KMB some form of your experience happens to me daily.

    @Karin Thanks for the motivation to quit! I'm on it!! I agree about writing about it. Who wants to read that shit? Pffffff (as the french so eloquently put it), no one. Haven't seen B.B. yet, need to then? Also have Glee on the "must" list from Leffler. Parc des BC sounds awesome, never been!

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  4. OMG, YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN TO THE BUTTES CHAUMONT???

    Okay, chick -- we have to remedy this, stat. Name a time next week that works for you (you can write me a note through my "Contacts" page on my blog) and we shall dooo eeeet. Mmmkay? Maybe we get Sion/paris (im)perfect in on it, too I have been meaning to meet up with her again.

    We just watched all of "Glee" and it was great. :) Paul's kids loved it, also, and it was fun to watch it all together. Yeah, it is a "must."

    Write me. :)

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  5. "you can write me a note through my "Contacts" page on my blog"

    Or FB, duh. *slaps forehead*

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