Sunday, April 25, 2010

Uncle Sam: back just in time Ef up your spring.

Whip out your checkbooks and prepare for the frown-a-thon... it's time to pay the piper in the states.

What kind of person decides that taxes should be collected in April? Someone with a black, black soul? Someone with a spiky-shelled spring bug jammed up their ass? Someone who hates joy, and hates spreading it even more? Probably all of the above.

The IRS can't stand that Wisconsinites have begun to emerge from their frost-bitten, chapped-lipped, never ending arctic coma that lasts from October to April and they just had to find a way to rain on our teeny-weeny three-month parade of nice weather.

"What?! People are ... HAPPY?!?!" some tax demon said to himself on April 15th, 1955, "I won't allow it!! From now on, I want to see people WEEPING over their canceled vacations! SOBBING over their scraggly, unreplaced spring wardrobes! Woefully wailing over the funless summer ahead!! I am the TAX NAZI! NO SMILES FOR YOU!!! Let the streets be washed clean by their TEARS!!! MMuuuuahahaAHHAHAahaHAHAHAHa!!!!"*

*(I may be slightly exaggerating this decision making process.)

Want to know when taxes are paid in France? Monthly. Yes. A nice, little monthly a--f---. Oh, and lest you forget, there's an extra bonus a--f---ing in September just in case you weren't a--f---ed enough over the first eight months of the year. By November I'll have been done so many times by the government I should give birth to some kind of declaration of citizenship.

But at least it's not in April. At least, I can enjoy the spring without Uncle Sam face-planting me into concrete. Thank the lord for French procrastination and lack of work ethic.

1 comment:

  1. So are you getting a double whammy: U.S. and France? I personally pay taxes daily on my junk food that is...


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