Monday, April 26, 2010

Metro Oddities - Part III - YOU could be the next shitty violinist of the hallway between metro stops!

You know, I didn't think it was possible that there could be anything WORSE than "La Nouvelle Star", (The French Idol), at encouraging people with ZERO talent to hoist their frighteningly HORRID act upon an unsuspecting, innocent public... oh, how wrong I was.

Browsing the newspaper 20 minutes has opened my eyes. The Paris public transport has opened their yearly tryouts for metro performers. If I had to guess, I'd say the open call casting request went something like this:

"Do you play the accordian? Is your Pan Flute collecting dust?! Are you just itching to break out your bongo drums?! Do you DREAM of changing the world of the people in the metro with your ground-breakingly original 'music'?


Pull out your instruments, however haggard they may be, and come down to our office immediately! YOU could be the NEXT METRO ARTIST!!

We do not care about the following:
- If you have talent
- If you never practice or only practice while performing
- If you sing off-key
- If you are dirty and/or smell
- If you make babies cry
- If you make grown men cry
- If you sing in your native language and no one understands a freaking word you say
- If you play/sing the same song all day long every SINGLE DAY
- If you think 'melodies' are 'passé'
- If you get the occasional rotten tomato to the face

This could be your big chance to unthrone Crazy Homeless Metro Violin Lady!! Come on down today!

the RATP"

Of course some of these people do know how to play/sing... but let's be honest here... the few that don't ruin it for the rest. I for one, have had to suffer MONTHS of tortuously bad violin playing (as you should know if you read regularly... if not, read this.)

I think it's time to put a stop to this frogdition. 99% of voyagers have earbuds and are listening to something FAR better than these people... who's with me?


  1. I do get really cranky with the metro music. I know everyone's just trying to eek out a living...but really if i wanted to hear accordians in the metro would I be wearing my iPod!? I just find it really distracting when I'm listening to something else or reading!

  2. That's hilarious! This is an actual position people audition for? In NYC people just do their thing for spare change.

  3. To be fair, the people who apply and actually have an RATP approved status as metro performers, do not play IN the metro cars. The legit musicians only play in the halls as this is the only place where breaking out your violon for another round of Hava Nagila is allowed. The people who play in the actual metro cars are all illegals (most likely in more ways than one).

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