Monday, April 12, 2010

Dear Fellow Waiters...

*** Warning: Impressively harmless situation invokes massive freak out below. Read AYOR. ***

Dear fellow waiters,

Why can't you learn how to form a GOD DAMN LINE???

I know you know what I'm talking about, so wipe that confused/annoyed look off your faces. This is more than a problem, it's an epidemic. Everywhere I go, you Parisians are lousy with Lineitus.

See, in 'Merica, we have this WEIRD THING... it's called NOT BEING A DOUCHE AND STANDING BEHIND THE PERSON WHO WAS THERE BEFUCKINGFORE YOU.

It's as if you've never heard of it, and every situation is good for testing out JUST how much milling around I can stand. If one more of you weeeeeaaaasels your tiny size two ass in front of me, god as my witness, I will snap your frail frame like a twig under my foot, or at best, your asshole will be intimately familiar with the shape of my boot toe. (Round? Pointy? Let's find out!!)

Did you get there after me? YES?? THEN DON'T STAND NEXT TO ME and try to wait until someone comes up to you instead of me, and shrug it off like, "woops, didn't know lines existed!" THIS IS NOT A CONCERT, people. You have to wait your turn to see the band, or buy a loaf of bread, or get help at Sephora.. whatever it is.. EFFING WAIT!

Just try me... I WILL BOOT YOU. Oh yes, I will boot you good.

6 comments:

  1. Oh my god, don't get me started on the fucking outstanding inability people have of forming a queue in this country. It's outrageous. The Italians have the same bloody problem - just forming an ever condensing crowd. I agree and I shout it loud with you - "STAND BEHIND ME, BITCH"!
    Ooof, thanks for writing this, I feel so much beter now.

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  2. sorry, excuse my French.... It's just I'm English, queuing is a National Sport where I come from!

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  3. Let it out Kim... let.. it.. out. I knew I couldn't be the only one whose right eye began to spaz when waiting in a "line". They're itching for a fight.

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  4. but this is why we are treated to so many impromptu engueulades rivalling the WWE. think of it as free entertainment!

    Sonja

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  5. LOL @ Sonja.

    At risk of sounding like one of those smug, one-upsmanship expat prigs who has traveled the world and wants you to know it (lol), it's WAY worse in China, lol. If the lack of queuing makes you crazy here, please do not travel there!!

    Another reason for me to not go out much and hide in my hole of an apartment and live through blogs and blogging, hahahaha. (Sadly, this state of being is all too pathetic *and* true, heh!)

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  6. Unlike you Shannon I let me people cut me and then complain about it later on. I am an effing doormat. I'll stand waiting patiently then someone else just strolls right up in front of me and I let them. I'm an enabler. Sorry I think people like me make it worse for people like you.

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