Thursday, February 4, 2010

Do NOT EAT this piece of chocolate that I'm going to put in your mouth.

Ok, ok. So they didn't put it IN my mouth, but they might as well have.

My coworkers are the opposite of every group of frogs I've ever met. Your average colleague here doesn't offer you bonbons. Typically, said Frenchie assumes that because you're an American you've already got a snickers bar stuffed down your pants at any given time.

...What? So I enjoy my bars slightly melted? And yes, I am happy to see you. I fail to see the connection.

Anyway, my colleagues are different. They're the French equivalent of a devil in a blue dress. A wolf in sheep's clothes. Le Loup en Bleu, quoi. I swear they've been plotting since Christmas. The object of their scheme? To make me into a Fatty-fat-fat of course.

The little wheels in their heads have been spinning overtime.

Exhibit A:
A day has not gone by without a chocolate object strategically placed within 1 meter from my desk.

Exhibit B:
They always buy things I can't resist.
- Peanut M&Ms
- Those little cookie sticks you dip in coffee
- Anything with more than a gram of chocolate

Exhibit C:
It's like some kind of cookie rivalry has sprung up amongst us. Who can bring in the most unhealthy snacks, has been replaced by Who can bring in the largest quantity of the most unhealthy snacks.

Exhibit D:
Point of fat fact, we've begun having crêpe parties for absolutely NO reason.

Exhibit E:
During the month of January I was invited to at LEAST FIVE DIFFERENT cake parties for the traditional "Galette des Rois", or as I like to call it the "Get your butter/sugar dose for the next quarter century cake".

Exhibit F:
What's with all the business lunches? I keep getting invites, and I can feel the fat cells accumulating with every bite. They're multiplying like some kind of virus.

They could at least be thoughtful and bring in something I hate. Like those ridiculous Macaroon cookies or black licorice. (Who eats black licorice anyway, that shit is just gross.) But, no. Here they come with home-made Brioche and jam, or Financiers from their grandmother's recipe.

I know what you're thinkin', "What now whiner? Your colleagues are sweet, benevolent people? oOohhoOOhhh POOR YOU! Shall we call the WAAAmbulance?"

I think we shall, as a matter of fact. My ass is getting very angry at that band of kind souls.

Very. Angry.

Bad things happen when asses get cranky.

3 comments:

  1. I'm with you on exhibit D - I got invited to people's houses for crêpes last Saturday and Sunday. And I ate them, some smothered in honey, some in nutella. And every time I said I was full, another one was put on my plate

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  2. It's a PLOT I tell you. A PLOT.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am along with you upon display Deb -- I acquired asked in order to individuals homes with regard to crêpes final Sunday as well as Weekend. As well as We consumed all of them, a few suffocated within sweetie, a few within nutella. As well as each time We stated We had been complete, a different one had been placed on my personal dish.

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