Sunday, February 7, 2010

Potent...Stings the nostrils.

I'm doin' it. It's not for lack of material mind you... I just felt I needed to address this issue before people began asking me "soo... Chanel... why don't you ever talk about the herd of elephants in the room?".

Yes. Some of the Frogs have an interesting odor.

I don't mean interesting as in, makes you wrinkle your nose and suspiciously sniff your neighbor. Nope. I'm talking about the "wow, I think something crawled into your shirt and died in your armpits." interesting. The, "hmmm, Eau de Sauna... good choice." interesting. The, "If I have to stand next to you for five more minutes, I think dousing you with my projectile spew like you were a-blaze would be fair, if not deserved." interesting.

To be fair, I have to admit that these specimen are few and far between. Contrary to rumor, the streets are not littered with men who refuse to bath, or boys who think that a rancid-sausage musk makes their odorificness more manly.

But... we all know they're out there. I've even met a few in my day. These people amaze me. I'm curious. I want to study them. I'd round them up in a lab for observation and potency samples like stinky little rats if I could. In the name of science of course. Not because I want to drown them in shampoo and spray them with a fire hose while they traverse the crashing waves of suds. My first question for my little ratlings would be...

How do you STAND that shit?

No, really, I want to know? Is it years of training? Is it like Lavender - you smell it once, and then you can't really smell it again for years? Or is the stench so strong that over time it has in fact destroyed your olfactory senses?

I'm also wondering...

WTF guys? What do we have against showering?

Afraid your insides will rust? Pure laziness? Just never really liked attracting females?

These are not incurable faults, but they can put a damper on your social interactions. Some side effects on your entourage may include but are not limited to:

- contagious dry heaves
- hallucinations
- dirty looks that seem to say "you smell like my cat's anus."
- incessant coughing
- nose bleeds
- dizziness
- sneezing that sounds suspiciously like "you reak"
- etc. etc.

I'm no doctor, but if I were I'd spend my time taping prescription-strength deodorant ordinance slips to your backs.

Rx: long, hot, shower and 200ml of liquid soap. Rince & repeat daily... for the love of god.

1 comment:

  1. Ha! Funny! This air pollution happens in other countries, too.


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