Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Metro Oddities - Part I - Metro OdditiesDear Crazy Homeless Metro Violin Lady,

I've nothing against the arts. In fact, I'm one of you. Woooot Woooot, I played the Flooooot! Anyway. I digress. I enjoy music immensely, which is why I must tell you that what you're doing... has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Shh shsshsh shshhs. Don't try to prove me wrong. Just... accept it. PUT the BOW DOWN for the love of all things holy, before I'm forced to karate chop you in the throat. What you're "playing" makes me want to take a drill to my right temple. It makes me want to pop the fragile lining of my ear drum with a red hot poker. The mere thought of listening to you grate that bow on those strings again, like fingernails a chalkboard, causes me
actual,  
           physical  
                           pain.


Readers, before you say I'm harsh, you must go to the metro station Porte Maillot. Make your way to the tunnel between the line 1 and the line C and tune in for a spell. Put your feet up. Open those ears. Have a goooooood, looonnnng, listen.

I'll provide aspirin WHISKEY afterward. Hers is literally the kind of "music" that drives one to DRINK. Nothing else will dull the pain of those excruciating thirty seconds between the 1 and the C

Imagine THIS, except it's not an adorable little girl you can shake your head at and just think "ooh honey, you tried". No. My lady makes cutesy-mc-ultimate-fail over there sound like friggen Vivaldi.

I'm trying to work up the nerve to dress up as a homeless lady and go down there with my flute to out play her like some kind of "soloist" contest. Maybe I could write our set list on one of those abandoned pieces of cardboard.

Movement 1
"Stop. Listen. Regret."

Movement 2
"Feline Demise"

Movement 3
"This shit will make you have diarrhea, I swear to god yo"

4 comments:

  1. Nice touch with the dressing up as the homeless...I knew those flute lessons would come in handy.
    Mom

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have been thinking the exact same thing every time i pass her..... it is now April and she is still there, I wish there was another way to go to work

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am going to reach my limit someday... I'm going to go postal by the end of 2010 and offer to pay her to "perform" (aka: TORTURE) somewhere ELSE!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've been considering the very same point each time we move the woman's..... it's right now 04 as well as your woman remains, We desire there is an additional approach to take to operate.



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