Monday, December 7, 2009


Do you know what "Tektonik" is? Most likely not if you're not of the age group 12-25 currently living in & around Paris. Fret not my friends, I'm here to enlighten you.

It's the dance craze sweeping the youth scene and just another notion in a long line of ideas I do not understand. I am convinced it was made up by someone old so they wouldn't feel old, while making other people (like me) feel old. That or it was a dare gone terribly wrong. Perhaps both? In any case, it's the new Macarena.

But Shannon, how do I become a master Tektoniker? It's easy! Here's a checklist for you:

Tight shirt/pants & Hightops: check
Star make up: check
Bad-ass attitude: check
Ridiculously-comical dancing: check

See for yourself, go on Utube and look up "tecktonic" or click here if you're too lazy:

The 5 commandments of Tektonic are:
1st - Thou shalt sport a combo Mullet/Mowhawk
2nd - Thou shalt wear slims and hightops
3rd - Thou shalt not move much below the waist
4th - Thou shalt not dance to any other music but Techno
5th and most important, Love thy arms-around-the-head dance as you love yourself

There you have it, everything you need to succeed my babies.

Antoine, my brother in law, just invited me to join a pro-tektonik group he's started. (Side note: I've lost track of how many anti-tektonik groups I'm in.) Do you know how close I was to clicking on 'reject this invitation'? Then I sat down and thought about what it was that I really disliked about this trend.... then I wanted to click on 'reject' again, naturally. Is it the mullet? No, not just the mullet. Is it the shoes? Nope. I can deal with those and even sported them for a bit myself between the ages of 7-10. It's the arrogance. People have been doing Tektonik for AGES. It's only recently that we've stopped calling it epilepsy.

For now I'll continue to be a wallflower at the Tecktonik ball until I'm the only one left not flailing my arms around my head, pretending to comb my fauxhawk. I can feel my "damn kids" complaints growing in the back of my throat & getting ready to shove themselves on to an unsuspecting public of sexually-ambiguous 80's regurgitaters.

*Sigh*. Youth. It goes so fast.

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