Friday, December 18, 2009

Hello my name is... (aka: some call me... TIM?)

"That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"... ET NON. It wouldn't smell sweet. In fact, it smells like bigfoot's dick.

I know this is a difficult concept to grasp, but...
My name is Shannon. (let's say it slowly together: Sssshhhhhaaa-nnnnnnnnnoonnnnn)

Contrary to popular belief, my name is not:
- Sharon
- Chanel
- Chanonne
- Charoh
- Chinon
- Shanone
- Charnoh
- Sharelle
- Shiraz
- Chenan
- Sharnome
- Chelron
- Shiloh
- Simonne
- Chalon
- Shanune

Or any of the other ridunkulously WRONG spelling/pronunciation I've been called over the last 4 years. Oh how I wish this list of names were a joke. I literally JUST got called "Chanel" for the umpteenth time during a conference call with a client. Yes, I am a fan, NO it is NOT my namesake. It's ok. I forgive you. Only because you're about to feel like a DoucheLord (your welcome butt), when I send you this email and my signature pops out at you like a giant sign that reads "WAY TO LISTEN ASS CLOWN."

What is the deal people? Explain it to me. I could understand if my name were totally unheard of or complicated or had some weird spelling like those combination names (Yeah, I'm talking to YOU LatoyOpra!!). I KNOW you all get 90210 over here, so no excuses. Shannen Doherty's limitless bitchosity is world renowned.

I work in an international context, so these little mix ups are bound to happen. I've had some doozies in my day, so if I can get through some of your names that need desperately to buy a vowel, or have more symbols and accents than a en eastern european city, you should be able to tackle 2 syllables without mangling them.

Sorry to name names but, Edenausegboye and Ne'igalomeatiga, it's time to get a damn nickname. How about I call you Eddie & Neigi?

PS: Did you know that unpronounceable name n°2 means "unforgettable pain??"... yeah.. that's what I want everyone to remember me as... UNFORGETTABLE.. PAIN. Good call!

PPS: your mother HATES YOU.


  1. Welcome to my world. At least you're not being mistaken for a boy. I can't tell you how mnay tome people have asked for a Mr. Alan Littlejohn. Ugh!!!

  2. Ooohh. You shouldn't have said that. I'm retiring the nickname "L-BJ" and adopting "Alan" until I find something even more obnoxious.
    Merry Christmas!


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