Hello my name is... (aka: some call me... TIM?)

"That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"... ET NON. It wouldn't smell sweet. In fact, it smells like bigfoot's dick.

I know this is a difficult concept to grasp, but...

My name is Shannon. (let's say it slowly together: Sssshhhhhaaa-nnnnnnnnnoonnnnn)

Contrary to popular belief, my name is not:

- Sharon

- Chanel

- Chanonne

- Charoh

- Chinon

- Shanone

- Charnoh

- Sharelle

- Shiraz

- Chenan

- Sharnome

- Chelron

- Shiloh

- Simonne

- Chalon

- Shanune

Or any of the other ridunkulously WRONG spelling/pronunciation I've been called over the last 4 years. Oh how I wish this list of names were a joke. I literally JUST got called "Chanel" for the umpteenth time during a conference call with a client. Yes, I am a fan, NO it is NOT my namesake. It's ok. I forgive you. Only because you're about to feel like a DoucheLord (your welcome butt), when I send you this email and my signature pops out at you like a giant sign that reads "WAY TO LISTEN ASS CLOWN."

What is the deal people? Explain it to me. I could understand if my name were totally unheard of or complicated or had some weird spelling like those combination names (Yeah, I'm talking to YOU LatoyOpra!!). I KNOW you all get 90210 over here, so no excuses. Shannen Doherty's limitless bitchosity is world renowned.

I work in an international context, so these little mix ups are bound to happen. I've had some doozies in my day, so if I can get through some of your names that need desperately to buy a vowel, or have more symbols and accents than a en eastern european city, you should be able to tackle 2 syllables without mangling them.

Sorry to name names but, Edenausegboye and Ne'igalomeatiga, it's time to get a damn nickname. How about I call you Eddie & Neigi?

PS: Did you know that unpronounceable name n°2 means "unforgettable pain??"... yeah.. that's what I want everyone to remember me as... UNFORGETTABLE.. PAIN. Good call!

PPS: your mother HATES YOU.