Sunday, December 13, 2009

ACHOOO!


My husband... siiighh... I am wrapped around his little french finger. But since we've been married, he's developed some pesky allergies. I myself am a sufferer of seasonal allergies, so I sympathized at first.

But after several years, I'm beginning to think the treatment regimen is not panning out. The attacks are becoming less frequent, only once a week, but I worry that we may never find a cure.

Here are a few examples of his various attacks:

- Vacuumitus
Symptoms may include but are not limited to:

Back pain
Lazy eye
Lack of motivation and/or depression

- Iron Fever

Symptoms may include but are not limited to:

sickly appearance
paralysis
mood swings
burning sensations on fingers

- Trashousis
Symptoms may include but are not limited to:

Bouts of moderate to severe weakness
Extreme sensibility to odors
Pain in the rectal region

To sum up, they're a real bitch.

Each relapse means days of recovery, sometimes weeks; this is often the case with Laundritosis, whose symptoms resemble Iron Fever, minus the burning sensation. When he has Laundritosis, sometimes I wonder if he'll ever come out of it. This problem will only get worse in time since it can become contagious. It can be spread to loved ones, so be on your guard. Above all, if you want to avoid Laundritosis, never EVER take a nap with someone who is L-Positive, it's the surest way to catch it yourself.

To date the doctors are stumped. We've tried all manner of medications:
- Threatanus Shot (aka: "Or else" treatment)
- Hypnosis (aka: Look into my eyes, you WANT to pick that up)
- Reduced exposure to radiation from computer screens (see: WOW deprivation)

I'm beginning to think we've got a chronic disease on our hands here. All I can do is pray, and look for a support group.


1 comment:

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