Thursday, November 19, 2009

Please stop saying...


I wrote this blog last year, but it's still relevant and popping up in the forums I'm in right now, so enjoy!


1) "Dogg". Anyone who says this in my presence deserves a wedgie accompanied by an uppercut to the balls and/or vag. Yes, I said uppercut. I'm short, never underestimate an irritated dwarflike kickboxer with a penchant for words. Officially, no normal person should have said any name abbreviation followed by the word "dogg" (ex J-dogg) since 1998. It's like wearing white after labor day, except you sound like an idiot.

2) "Wigger". This one came to me while thinking of the first one. The lexicon has moved on, let's find a new way to mock these ethnically challenged losers.

3) "WAaaassssupppppp". Usually followed by #1 or "dude", also, must be stopped. I think I hate this mostly because it has been adopted by insecure, white, middle-class college students who think they sound ghetto.

4) "Excuse YOU". NO you rat-eating WHORE. You deserved whatever it was I did to you just for saying that.

5) "Yer fired". Yeah, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say nobody liked trumpy mc trumpkins before, nobody liked him after this super-catchy catch phrase... and nobody likes you if you say it. I will personally douse you with a hose attached to a butane tank and set you a-flaming should you say it within ear-shot of me.

6) "My bad!" . Every time I hear this it's synonymous with "I'm a f*cking idiot, please hurt me!!" and it makes me want to give you a swirly to put out the flames because you're probably dumb enough to have just said "yer fired".

7) "Winnable War". I'll keep my political views to myself and just say that the alliteration is annoyingly aggravating.

8) "Metrosexual". Can we just start saying "Part-gay"?

9) "Obviously" and "Clearly" ... when what you really mean to say is "If you even have a thought-bubble about contradicting my profoundly deep and undeniably correct insightfullness it will be obvious to everyone here that you're a-stupid".

10) "Life's a bitch and then you die". And in my opinion, if you say this, you deserve to be dead.

11) "winners never quit and quitters never win". Absolutely not true. Quitters can win. At quitting. Just look at Sarah Palin.

12) "lo and behold". Get off your biblical high-horse and speak like a human being.

13) "Don't worry, be happy!!". This phrase is like asking someone to smile at a funeral. Telling me to be happy doesn't MAKE ME HAPPY, it makes me want to break your leg and laugh at you while you cry. Wait... I guess I'm wrong, saying it would make me happy. Go ahead... try me.. hope you have insurance.

14) "Frankly" and "Truthfully". Whatever comes after this is probably a lie anyway.

I think I'm done for now.

2 comments:

  1. (it's Naomi from Ye Olde High School)

    I think I could have written this. Only it would have been less funny. I say "lo and behold" a lot, though. Maybe I should stop.

    I also hate the word "pregnant" and all its cutesy variations. This is unfortunate because it appears I'm going to be pregnant for the rest of my life, and so I hear it and say it and type it at least six times a day. I prefer "knocked up," but that pisses some people off. Girl can't win.

    ReplyDelete
  2. such a wonderful find can't wait around to find out what you a couple of develop!

    ReplyDelete

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